LIFE CHANGED FOR MOTHER! Dad's Funeral was May 1, 2001. The day before the funeral, Mother began to worry about what she would do now, without Dad. I assured her that we would be there for her and to help her. May 10, 2001 would have been their 60th Wedding Anniversary. Since Mother's Day was May 13th, we took Mother to dinner, which she always enjoyed going out to eat.
This 'manipulator' who was homeless and living with the neighbors, of my parents, began spending more time around my brother and Mother. My brother had been used to my Dad managing, their daily lives and this 'manipulator' was known in the neighborhood of being a 'trouble maker'. Now this 'manipulator' began riding with my brother and Mother, wherever they went, after my Dad passed away. She was being paid to help with Mother.
It was as if she and my brother were in control of my Mother's life. When I use the 'they' word, it will mean BOTH, the 'manipulator' and my brother. Two days after Dad's Funeral (5/3/01), 'they' took Mother to Atty. Neal, to have a POA done, where my brother was Mothers POA. My sister and I did not learn about this until a month later. At the time that my parents done their companion Trusts, Dad & Mother, both done POAs, with myself as the POA, since I had always been the person that helped them and understood business procedures.
May 10, 2001, Mother and us, 3 children, met at the Attorneys Office, where our parents had done their Trusts, etc. and Atty Eich explained the necessary paper work, to be done now. On Dad's Trust, my Mother and I were co-Trustees. Dad knew that Mother did not understand business so he had told the Atty that I should be a Trustee, also. There was a paper that stated I would be able to act alone, should Mother not be able to do so. Atty Eich explained that my brother should send the bills to me, to pay from Dad's Trust.
Memorial Day, Mother was not feeling well enough to go to the Cemetery with my sister and I. It was a very sad day, for all of us.
On June 5, 2001, my husband and I stopped by to see Mother. It was 1 p.m. and she had not had lunch, as my brother had gone somewhere and she thought he would have been home by then, to get her lunch. My Mother was not able to get out of a chair by herself, as she was loosing the strength in her arms. I fixed her lunch and then we left and my brother still hadn't come home. This was not a good feeling, knowing that she could not get herself out of the house, if she needed to do so.
June 8, 2001, I had a call on my answering machine from the Dialysis Dept at Shenandoah, that Mother was taken by ambulance to the Bergan Mercy Hospital in Omaha. My sister and I got to the Hospital the next morning. There in her room was our brother and the 'manipulator' and they had stayed in her room that night before. My brother in a very strong tone, told me, 'not to come to the house,' then said, 'call first'. I knew what he was referring to. It was when my husband and I had stopped by and Mother had been left alone, a few days prior to this. Later that day, I asked Mother if I had to call before I came to see her and she said, 'no'.
I had called the Church Pastor, to explain what was going on and if she would stop and visit with Mother. Pastor Sarah told me later, that she had made several calls, and set appts. but my brother would cancel them.
June 20, 2001 when I took Mother to Dialysis, I stopped at the neighbors house, to tell them, that I would be taking Mother to Dialysis. The 'manipulator' asked if this was okay with my Mother. I thought this was a strange comment for her to make and I am sure she was disappointed, not being able to make some money off of my Mother. This lady had no teeth and weighed at least 300 lbs. When my Mother was mobile and taking care of herself, she would never have been seen with this 'manipulator'. This was such a contrast of the quality of life that my Mother had lived. Mother and I had a good time together, and when we returned to her house, we had brought food for my brother. Then when I tried to talk to my brother about business 'things', he got irrational and began to scream and yell. I explained that we were still all mourning Dads passing away. He hit the table real hard with his hand and yelled, 'when are you going to stop mourning?' I said that we all take different amounts of time to heal. He then told me that I was not welcome there. When I looked at my Mother, to ask why is he acting this way, she could only say, 'he was the boss'. I kept my tears back until I got into my car, to drive home. I was so upset and I stopped at my cousins house, to regain my composure before I continued home. I live 75 miles from my parents house but since I traveled it so often, I was used to the roads and it never seemed that long.
It was July 2, 2001 when the Dialysis Nurse called to tell me that Mother had an irregular heartbeat so they had done a EKG. Mother did tell the nurse that this 'family thing' was taking a toll on her. My brother and the 'manipulator' were working to get Mother upset with her daughters. They were telling her that I had taken her bean check, when this check was deposited into Dad's Trust acct. and I had given my brother copies of the check and the deposit slip. They were, also, telling Mother that we wanted to put her in a nursing home when no one had ever talked about a nursing home. My sister and I were trying to be in her life, but they were 'brainwashing' her.
My sister and I learned later that our brother had been searching for an Atty to revoke Mother's Companion Trust, to Dads. He took Mother to a lady atty (Atty Nielsen). She began sending letters to Atty Eich (Trust Atty) to get information. Atty Eich, sent my sister and I letters regarding Atty Nielsens questions. Therefore, we made an appt. and went to talk with Atty Nielsen. She explained that she had also, spoke with this 'manipulator' and another neighbor of my Mothers since she didn't understand the situation with my Dad passing away, and his Trust, and what my brother was wanting her to do for them. This Atty Nielsen began to see that Mother was not able to make decisions, as to what her son wanted her to do. Therefore, Atty Nielsen was not able to help them.
Please see the "Power & Control Wheel for Older Abuse Persons".
Comments